9:23pm: Almost time for bed.
Okay... SO this is what I've been up to.

I graduated a few months back, partied for about two months and finally got a job at a local TV station. I love it. Love it love it. It was slow starting, but after awhile it picked up. It's the kind of job where everyone is in too much of a hurry to give you work or show you how to do anything, so I just had to teach myself and take initiative on my own projects. The past month of working there has given me a crash course in nielsen ratings, market shares, the right side of the keyboard ("numerical data entry"), and show biz in general.

So anyway, the first few weeks they didn't give me anything to do so I got started on a couple projects of things I thought could just help out the station and stumbled upon one that everyone in management really liked. Let's just say I wrote a computer program that spies on people (legally of course). I can't say what it is, but they've had me give presentations at the management meetings and now want me to train the sales people to use it.

Fast forward a few weeks later to today and I've got myself so burried in projects that I barely have time to work on what I endearingly call "my baby" (the program). Whenever I have down time I go around asking people around the station if they need help with things, so I've learned a lot of different things and people are starting to depend on me to do a lot of stuff... perhaps too much stuff. But I like it busy and if it get's too busy I'll just tell them to hire me an assistant (lol).

This week we're having our "white linen party", it's going to be a blast. Catered by Jubans, open bar, and ...a lot of rich people. Maybe it won't be a blast but it'll be interesting.

What else has been going on...

I met Swamiji Sunday. Swamiji is to India and certain Hindus what Mother Theresa and Jesus were to Christianity. He randomly came to Baton Rouge and my friend Keegan heard about it from Swamiji followers and we went. It was really interesting to see how they treat a person they think is a god. He's lead around in the sweltering heat by a team of indian guys holding an umbrella over his head, sprinkling rose petals where he walks, and pushing everyone out of his way. I didn't understand most of his service, but afterwards he was walking out of the church and he walked right up to me and smiled, then walked away... Kinda weird.

That night I stayed up late with some friends and watched the meteor shower... Or tried to, too much light pollution and we didn't see a thing. There were cookies though so it wasn't a total loss.

So beside all that, I'm still trying to start a Reggae band. Keegan and I practice like every day. We listen to a lot a lot of Barrington Levy. I'm looking to move into a house with a few roommates. One in particular is really nice but they have to get back at me. It has a courtyard. And a stove-in-a-chimney. Ashley, check out we need girlfriends on youtube, it's funny and for some reason I think you'd like it. Karl, call me if you still want to get a house. Peace out.

8:34am: I got 20s on my beetle bitch!
Take my quiz! It took me like 10 minutes to make it.

Mardi Gras last night was crazy. We drove to New Orleans... yadda yadda yadda, I wake up a stranger's bed with blood on my hands. Who knew?

Next weekend I'm going to Houston for a debate tournament. Don't believe me? I'll debate it with you.

9:10am: You don't know jack.

Create your own Friend Quiz here

11:23pm: Beyond the sun...
Probes have been sent, but they never returned. One manned mission disappeared just as it passed the threshold. One minute we were watching it on T.V. and celebrating, just like I always imagined the moon landing, and then they went to commercial. Fourteen good men were lost on that mission, and the only explanation we ever heard was "Technical Complications". Ever since then nobody had been brave enough to return.

The far side of the sun remained a mystery despite numerous attempts to observe it. Of course, few people even cared anymore. It had been 10 years since those astronauts had mysteriously disappeared in that space beyond the sky and, as usual, few people spent any time considering the existance of anything beyond the ceiling of the room they were in. And this would have been our downfall, had it not been for one man who had become obsessed. His obsession would eventually change the fate of the Earth; and his name was Royce Malloy. . .

10:52am: The Simpsons Halloween episode was hilarious. It was so gruesome. Homer turned into a giant blob and ate Doctor Phil, then aliens came down and destroyed everything with lasers...

...3 years later

Alien One: Things aren't going well, the people still resent us
Alien Two: You said we would be greeted as liberators!
Alien One: (looks out over the landscape, everything is destroyed) I guess those stupid humans just don't know what's good for them.

Halloween was fun, I dressed as Satan for the block party and a Zombie for the zombie march.

The CC's in the library is aweful. Whose idea was that? They use blenders and yell out orders, THIS IS A FUCKING LIBRARY! brb....

So anybody want to start a reggae band?

12:09pm: Old dream...
Within moments, an Angel of the Lord was upon me

I could not but look away in the midst of its beauty; I was unworthy.

It was as if God himself radiated from him, beautiful and divine.

And he, in his holiness, said unto me:

"Ye hath strayed much the righteous path, Ryan, But god, in his infinite mercy hath forgiven thee. Prepare to recieve the understanding of Christ."

I fell on my knees and closed my eyes, ready to recieve His graciousness. Arms out-streched. I cried:

"Let me recieve Him! Let me recieve Him!"

With a sharp sting I felt the introduction into my forehead.

The instrument of labotomy channeled deeper and deeper through my skull until...

sweet revelation. With a slight spin, he obliterated all evil faculties within me capable of perverting my belief in Him.

I was saved.
-Ryry

11:06am: Heres my biannual update.
Hello World

I just returned from our week long stay at the white sandy beaches and aquagreen cool water of Destin Florida. Kristine and I roomed with 5 other couples in a really nice 3 story condo. The condo had a pool, all the beach stuff you could want, and on the third story you could look out over the beach from so high that it made me us all want to fart.

Anyway here are some stories from the trip. . .

The second day we all rented out Jetskies and rode them out into the ocean. It was my first time jetskiing and I was pretty high so I was nervous about the whole thing but once we went out there I eased up. It was a yellow flag day, which means the waters were pretty choppy, and we ramped the waves at full speed. It was fun, painful, and I'm pretty sure I can no longer produce children. The jetski renter only gave us a small length of beach to ride in, so I decided to go deeeeeep into the ocean, about a mile from the beach. We passed sailboats and barges, and I'm sure the people on those boats were thinking "what the hell is that little jetski doing way out here." I would have taken our little water-motorcycle deeper, but Kristine started complaining about sharks (shark attacks are way up this year) so I began to head back. Just as we were getting to more shallow water (about 400 yards from the beach) the jetski dies, and all the sudden fins are cutting through the water all around us. Kristine starts screaming and I of course dive in to fight the beasts. But then they leap out of the water and we realize that they're dolphins.

Later Joe and Brianna went out on a jetski and they hit a wave so hard it knocked out Brianna, and Joe turned around to find her laying back on the jetski with her tongue hanging out.

A few days into the trip we went out on a pontoon boat and started drinking. Did you know the sun makes you drunker? Well Kristine didn't so she got really drunk. She kept making us stop the boat so she could pee, then refusing to pee. One time she made us stop the boat between two sandbars, finally jumped in the water to pee, but the current between the sandbars was so strong that she was pulled from the front to the back of the boat in a matter of seconds. There she was, drunk and holding on to the back of the boat for dear life while hurricane force currents tried to suck her drunk ass out into the bay. Eventually she climbs to the middle of the boat, where there's a break in the wall but no ladder, and as I try to lift her into the boat (picture everyone laughing at her this whole time, that's right, we're assholes), she loses grip with her legs and slams her face into the side of the boat!

She's okay, only minor reconstructive surgery required.

I also had a pill snorted off my ass for the first time,
cooked the best Mexican chicken ever,
got drunk at 8 in the morning,
had an anniversary date at Hooters,
found Abita beer at an obscure florida liquor store,
fucked a walrus,
saw X-Men 3 (wait till after the credits, for some reason thats where they put a very important part of the movie),
and the Divichi code (it was okay),
And heard about a new movie that is going to be the gnarliest: Snakes on a Plane.

All in all, good trip.

Now I'm working 9-5 monday through Friday, so don't call me till 5.

Oh yeah and we took the homemade coke-bottle boat out last night for the first time. It was awesome, Keagen bought a weed eater we're going to turn into a propellor for it and we're gonna build lawn chairs, a tarp roof, and a water balloon launcher so we can go attack the frat houses on the lake.

So that's what's up with me, e.t.a. next entry: January 2008.

1:34pm: Big hairy meat balls
Hoooo! What's up?

Last night we all went to Adam Parker's thesis party (Buckley's Birthday), and it was a lot of fun. Everyone was dancing and passing around Jager and jungle juice. Carlotta/State/Ivanhoe streets are the Bramuta triangle of debauchery. Whatever happens on these streets does not hold weight in ordinary reality. Of course, living within this triangle has its own advantages and disadvantages. Namely, when I finally finish college (two more semesters), I'm pretty sure I will be dumber than before I started.

Who wants to get really drunk and naked one saturday night and just streak around the triangle, say I!

Oh yeah, Earth day festival is downtown today, from 1pm - 6pm or something.

Peace,

4:52pm: I'm currently in Bloomington Indiana. We get drunk all day and

never have i ever wanted to go home, PLAY VIDEO GAMES like bunnies and get back to drinkin RIGHT NOW! (drinks)

That was Kristine, anyway... Today we woke up at about 10 and walked to a breakfast cafe, I got a chicken teriyaki sandwich and ate with Kristine and Kurt. Then Kristine and I walked to an Irish type bar and drank 2 pitchers and ate fries... Oh yeah, we met up with a guy named ben and he came too, ben is cool and schitzophrenic. Anyway, we got drunk and then walked to the library where I now type to you, my faithful audience. Kristine wants to get some bunnies or something so I'm gonna go now, have fun in BR.

-Ryan

4:28pm: I am an anarchist.

2:05pm: my girlfriend has big boobies.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

11:11am: Aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderol aderoladeroladeroladeroladadaddaddaddaddaddaddadaddaddaddaddaddaddaddd.

Must do work work work work.

We went to New Orleans for Marti Gras. Lots of crunkness and traffic. Geeze it took us like 3 hours to get through New Orleans. Oh yeah and I killed Kristine, bye.

4:36pm: The other day after practice our band (Graffiti Factory, good name yes.) Made a boat out of floaty rafts and a tarp. It worked. I'd show you the pictures but I can't figure out how to get them off my ipod.

Anyway, we want to make a big ass raft out of two liter coke bottles. So if you have any, don't throw them away. Give them to me.

-Ryan Salvesen

3:06pm: I thought this was going to do something cool when I did it but oh well.

LJ Interests meme results

1. ballroom dancing:
   Ballroom dancing is what you do when you're at a ball and you don't feel like talking to anybody.
2. didgerido:
   This is like putting a huge tree dick in your mouth and blowing on it.
3. foreign languages:
   Mimi ninasema luga wote!
4. guitar:
   I just pretend
5. hand drums:
   I beat them like they owe me money
6. kickboxing:
   I just pretend
7. listening:
   I don't really know why I put this one here.
8. punk rock:
   Oh yeah.... Right there....
9. :
   
10. :
    

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

9:04am: The Mighty Robot Tigers
You assholes didn't critique my story! I need critiques to know if it's worth sitting down and writing for a million hours.... I'm sure you've just been busy, I have.

Up to exams that is, after that I have had no job and no school. When I'm not hanging out with friends (which is a large part of each day since no-one else's biological clock wakes them up at 7am) I practice reggae and let me tell you: Last night we had a jam with the most rag-tag ass group of hippie motherfuckers... and it sounded so awesome. This band is going to be super gnarly. Wanna hear the name?

The Mighty Robot Tigers

What do you think? Bob wants the Invisible Robot Tigers. Wouldn't "Ryan, Bob, KIegan, and the invisible robot tigers" be funny band name? Too long though. I was cool just calling it the Inspectors but nooooo I'm bob and I like to shove things in my ass cause I'm a big fag. You guys should see his background.

Peace,

Ryan

12:27pm: Read This

"We're going nowhere," She said, "Fair is fair."

He stood there in her living room, his eyes on her and hers on the T.V. She said more words but he didn't care, he already knew what they meant. He watched her lips quiver as she spoke between shallow breaths. He watched her vacant stare, indifferent to the actions on the screen, pretending not to be there, not to be doing this. He watched her eyes fill with tears just before she turned away, and then he heard her whimper. He stumbled out of the apartment, down the stairs, into his car. He dropped the keys twice before he got the car started and then it did start and like a zombie he drove down the road, 70 miles per hour around winding Louisiana curves, around levies and lakes. His hands trembled on the steering wheel. Then it started to rain.

"fair is fair!" the words echoed in his mind and out of his mouth to nobody in particular...

The drops collected on his windshield and he drove on, oblivious to them. He accelerated around each turn, his tires screetching, almost losing control. The beaded windshieled showed a stained glass mosaic of zooming street lights and, intermittently, stars. The headlights of an approaching van shown threw the glass like reflections from a disco ball. As he slammed his breaks and the car began to spin, each speck of disco ball light was spun around the car with such speed that in that instant you would have thought the car was illuminated by an array of randomly placed horizontal lines.

Always wear your seatbelt. Micheal flew through the windshield like it really was made of wind. He felt the glass cut his cheeks and time slowed down. He could hear his heartbeat loud in his ears. Thump... The cold air hit his face and he flew out of the vehicle and into the night sky.

Thump... He rose higher and higher, shooting through raindrops like a cannonball.

Thump... He stopped ascending high in the air, and in that moment he looked over the forest of misty dark treetops toward the Mississippi river bridge rising high over the horizon with a thousand shining lightbulbs, like a giant christmas tree. He closed his eyes as he began to fall and whispered,

"God..."
Thump... The sound of shattered glass hitting concrete reached his ears as his descent quickened,

"...save..."
Thump... The ground grew larger, his stomach rose to his chest and swelled.

"...us..."
Thump.

So that's the introduction to the Novel I decided to start for no reason, tell me what you think if you have a minute. Criticism is acceptable.

9:48pm: In words and verse
I'll lay it down
Aint afraid to curse
to talk to you or play around
Every time I rhyme its a sign from gods divine
The Muses shine with each and every line
I've crossed the River Rhine, I'll cross the river of Styx
Climb all the way up to heaven just to get my kicks
I'll toss quarters down, see whose head I can hit
Then fly around on a cloud, pickup a stewardess
"hey baby what you doin in that rusty old plane?
How bout you hop in my cloud and tell me your name."
"I don't know, I don't really talk to strangers"
"Well that planes about to crash some shit, you're in danger
You'll go up in smoke if you sit around any longer
But if you get in the cloud now, we'll fly around town
We'll look around from high in the sky then go down
To watch the the sky from ground as the sun drowns
in that big lake, aww look at those people in the boat."
Then she hopped in the water and they threw her a rope
They pulled out their pistols and started to unload
Shooting up at my cloud until they were out of ammo
That's when I started to laugh, and the cloud lost control
I fell into the water, shit, what do you know
All these years used writin these rap songs I wrote
Would'a been used better if I'd have just taken notes
when we learned how to swim back in class but I don't
wanna do this anymo, fo sho, peace out, and don't smoke.

3:51pm: blah blah blahblahblah doodie.
Hey, so I've been busy. Carlotta party was last week and that was pretty cool, I dressed up as pizza. Many thanks to people who dressed up, showed up, had fun, and left trash all over my yard.

I've been juggling a lot of things, very busy. I know I said that already. So how have you been doing huh? This isn't your damn journal. Who thought a communication major would be so time consuming. When I'm done studying I want to write a book on interpersonal emotional transference through identifying response transmitters. Better explained: if you completely ignore what people are saying around people (words are 10% of communication), then watch their somatic reactions (muscle tenseness, posture, facial expression, flushness of skin, hormonal changes ect ect.) you see their are trends that could even be layed down as laws and systems, emotions transfer through groups of people not like osmosis but rather as fractal patterns: each mind has a predictable response to certain stimulii, place several minds in the same room and they have predictable emotional responses to eachother. Subconciously this process does more than effect all of us, it drives us and our logical minds are just trying to keep up. I'm sure everyones stopped reading by now so I'm going to try to summarize the book in once sentence: Social conversation is a cerebral attempt to keep up with what's really going on: subconcious communication between our emotional brains.

Anyway, I'm going to go memorize the old man and the sea now for performance. Have fun.

9:59am: tada!
After much petitioning to my boss and working out the integration, distribution, and placement issues: I am proud to announce that Carlotta street now sports a nice shiney Reveille Rack for all to use and peruse at their leasure.

You don't even have to go to school anymore! Just pick up your daily Reveille from in front of the red house.

Your welcome,

Ryan

4:32pm: Hey gotta go bye.
Cyber-Yo.

Man I've been busy. Want to see what my schedule is like? Heres yesterday and today...

Wednesday:
4:00am Wakeup, deliver newspapers
7:30am Finish newspaper delivery, go to class
3:30pm Finish sleeping in classes, go home, go to sleep on bed.
6:00pm Wake up, go play racket ball (any raquetball players out there?)
8:20pm Deliver Legacy, also develope splitting migrane headache
10:00pm Headache becomes so bad that I have to quit delivering, go home and sleep

Today:
2:00am wakeup and continue delivering Legacy
5:00am finish Legacy, start delivering Reveille
7:30am Finish Reveille, eat at Louies and...
8:30am Deliver Legacy until...
10:00am Get tired and hot, go home and sleep till
2:00pm Wakeup, clean house because killer took all my recycle paper and spread it around THE WHOLE DAMN HOUSE and chewed it up right after I cleaned everything. I'm ok thanks.

4:27pm Update LiveJournal. Now I have about 5 hours of homework to do.

So anyway, I know I've blown a lot of people off lately but it's totally schedule problems and not your stinky breath. Go ahead and brush your teeth anyway and I'll probably be free on... Friday Night, and Sunday afternoon.

Keep it real, and don't do drugs.

-Ryan

10:22am: Ok. Quick entry...

I'm directing this mostly at my friends out of state... I'm still alive, everything is well. School starts Tuesday.

I tried to volunteer a couple of days but theres not really much for unqualified people like me to do. The center in Baton Rouge needs medical people and stuff. Most of the volunteers were sitting in the bleachers waiting for directions. My friend Derek and I were assigned to a clothing booth but there wasn't much to do there. So we walked around helping random people carry stuff and fold clothes. In one of the booths outside they were throwing all these sweaters in a pile thinking "Who needs these? It's hot" while inside the medical center many of the patients were complaining that it was too cold. So we carried sweaters for 30 minutes and then left.

I feel helpless living so close but not being able to do much about it. A friend of mine volunteered in New Orleans because his brother is a National Guard member and his job was to wade around in stinky hot water and tag dead bodies. I also heard a story of some people trapped on their roof who swam to a floating truck hoping it would take them somewhere. On the way out they passed hundreds of floating corpses.

The situation in Baton Rouge is way better, but way worse than it was before the hurricane. The people evacuated here from New Orleans are from the Ghetto. Many of them are criminals and are robbing and raping people here. I park my car right outside my window and keep baseball bats around my house and in my trunk. The sentiment here is basically: Get these stupid stinky people out.

Bye bye.

1:31pm: So I'm back.

Everyone asks me if I had fun on my trip. Yes, I had fun but... Well let me tell you about it.

Day One: Friday.

We arrive in Nicaragua, we being me and 16 other missionary members, mostly highschoolers and a few adults. Sister Dian picks us up at the airport in her jeep and a man named pablo follows her in one of those busses that the special kids rode to school in. We all pile into the vehicles with our luggage and barely fit. The roads in Nicaragua are very bumpy, many of them are cobblestone, and there are constantly dogs and people running across them. Nobody we were with besides sister Dian and I spoke any Spanish. Nobody in Nicaragua spoke any english. The retard bus has a sign that graphically states: No Icecream. I asked pablo about this but he thinks I'm crazy.

Day Two: Saturday.

We wake early in our center, the cooks prepare us breakfast and then we set out in the short bus. Most of the cars in Latin America are old schoolbusses that were thrown away in the states. Down there it's their public transportation because nobody has cars. They decorate the schoolbusses with spraypaint and plastic rims, flags... all kinds of stuff. It's a sight.

When you're in a retard bus filled with white kids, everyone in Nicaragua stops and stares at you. I get used to this and by the end of the trip I'm waving at everybody and feeling like a rockstar.

We arrived at one of Cantera's locations: Ciudad Sandino. It's pretty nice compared to its surroundings, the 16 foot concrete walls topped with razor wire that surround the place have nice paintings on the inside that give the place a kind of a... preschool meets guerilla warfare look.

The kids there are being taught by teenagers. They give us a spanish presentation about ways they plan on improving their community. Among the problems the kids listed with there community were family violence, gender inequality, poverty (The average crackhead in the united states lives a luxorious life compared to everybody in Nicaragua).

Later some local teenagers show us local dances while wearing big colorful dresses. We applaud and take pictures. How cool.

Then we drive around the barrios to see what it's like. Dirt roads, scrap metal and wood houses. No electricity or plumbing. 100 degrees. Kids chase our bus and beg us for money. We gave them chips. I contemplate giving the kids a 20 dollar bill and watching them duel to the death for it. We saw some people digging trenches to reroute water pipes so they can get water. I take lots of pictures.

We go back to the center...

Day 3:

We tour a few more barrios and then go to downtown Managua. Around the courthouse are camped about 400 farmers from surrounding rural mountain communities. They're living in huts made out of plastic tarp and wood and I have no idea where they go but I hope I didn't step in it. The jefe (chief?) comes out to meet us and tells us their story:

"We come from far away farm villages. Our families and friends are waiting for us back home. We've been here for 3 years now awaiting our trial date. Every time it comes the government pushes it back. Back home, bannana plantations are using pesticides that have been banned in the united states. These pesticides give us cancer, skin lesions, cause birth defects, ect. ect."

Btw. Yes, these people had skin lesions, growths, and overall did not look very happy. In a word they looked crusty.

He went on to tell us that nobody would hire them anymore because they were old and "used up." That the Central American Free Trade agreement that's about to go into effect is going to delete any chance that they'll recieve reperations. That the American Government promised to pay 6 million (was it billion? i'm bad with numbers) but threatened an embargo on the country if they were going to pay it. He said that his people really had no hope except for this trial and the reperations they could recieve but the trial never comes and they're just waiting to die.

On the subject of America being a jerk, I also learned interesting things about the United States role in other things during their history... blah blah blah. Lots of bad stuff, america fucks everyone in the butt. That was my trip.

4:48pm: Ryan is out of the country and will return on the 23rd. Thanks for calling.

7:37am: omg! This thing is sooo right.

Ryan Kenneth Salvesen's Aliases

Your movie star name: Klondike Bar Ken

Your fashion designer name is Ryan London

Your socialite name is Ryry Baton Fuckin Rouge

Your fly girl / guy name is R Sal

Your detective name is Monkey Woodlawn

Your barfly name is Breakfast Kalouhow!

Your soap opera name is Kenneth Rolling Glen

Your rock star name is Snickers Bob

Your star wars name is Ryakil Salthe

Your punk rock band name is The Waking Up Nose

7:58am: Inspectoration? The Inspector Nation.
So Bob, Steven and I are going to start The Inspectors. If anybody wants pre-fame autographs I'll hook it up.

It's like that old inspectors song goes...

Since the dawn of history
They've traveled time, these spirits three
Reincarnating saviors, eternal sages
warning man of his folly throughout the ages

And now, with musical melody
We're here to spread our last decree
The final war is growing nigh
Without our guidance, you will die.